Looney Tunes: A Detective Story
by sbartist357
Summary: At the Acme Detective Agency, Bugs and Daffy always work on separate cases. One day, their boss, Porky Pig, has them investigate strange happenings in an abandoned mansion. However, working with Daffy is anything but easy. Will the two of them manage to solve the case without everything going haywire? Of course not! (Classic Looney Tunes Universe)
1. The Acme Detective Agency

**Hi, everyone! Sorry for the delay (as usual, a case of writer's block prevented me from coming up with a good story for a while)! :) For those FanFiction readers who do not know me, I usually write SpongeBob stories, but I have decided to branch out and cover some new territory (I love classic Looney Tunes, and the awesome stories that I've read on this site have inspired me to write one myself). So, without further delay, I present to you, my first-ever Looney Tunes story! :D**

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In a huge office building, the sound of typewriters and telephones filled the headquarters of the Acme Detective Agency. Everyone was hard at work, save for a certain black duck with a white stripe on his neck. This duck was sleeping with his feet on his desk and wearing a dark blue gumshoe hat on his head, tilted so that it covered his eyes. Suddenly, the door to the boss's office swung open, revealing a pink pig with a detective hat, shirt, tie, jacket, and badge. He had a unique type of stutter.

"D-D-Daffy!" The duck abruptly came out of his slumber, knocking his hat off in the process.

"H-How many times do I have to tell you to stop sleeping on the job? If you do that once more, you're f-f-f, you'll get canned!" The pig yelled. Daffy looked at him and gave him a mocking salute.

"Yes, sir, Porky Pig, sir!" He responded, sending droplets of spittle from his lisping onto the floor. Porky started to salute back, then, realizing what he was doing, caught himself.

"Oh, just get back to your j-j-j-job!" The pig returned to his office, slamming the door behind him.

Across the room, another detective was sitting at his desk, but, unlike Daffy, he was busy typing. This one also had a dark blue gumshoe hat, but it had holes for his long, gray rabbit ears. The silver nameplate on his desk read "Bugs Bunny" in engraved capital letters. Daffy glared at Bugs, then looked at his own nameplate, which was made out of cardboard and read "Daffy Duck" in sloppy red letters written in crayon.

"That dumb rabbit always gets the breaks, and I wind up getting in trouble," Daffy muttered to himself.

"Oh well, at least I don't have to work with him." At that moment, the boss's office door opened and Porky stepped out.

"B-B-Bugs! I have a c-c-c, an assignment for you!" He walked over to Bugs's desk to tell him the details. Daffy looked at them from across the room, grumbling to himself.

"I can't believe that ol' Fat Boy picked that rabbit for an important case. Obviously, he doesn't know talent when he sees it." Then, to his surprise, he saw Bugs walking over to him.

 _"What does he want?"_ Daffy wondered.

"Hey, Daff." Bugs said as he approached.

"What is it?"

"The boss wants to see us in his office."

"Why?" Daffy asked. The bunny only shrugged.

The duck slowly got out of his chair and followed Bugs to Porky's office.

"Well, this better be worth my while if I had to leave the comfort of my desk and trek all the way over to Fat Boy's office."

"Daffy, your desk is right next to the door." Bugs pointed out. Daffy looked at Bugs and then back at his desk - indeed, Daffy's desk was no more than five steps away.

"Hmm, I never noticed."

"Uh-huh." The hare replied as he knocked on the door.

"C-C-Come in!" Porky called. Bugs opened the door and the two of them entered.

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 **I apologize for making this chapter a little on the short side, but I felt that it made the most sense to end the chapter there. I hope everyone liked the start of this story! :)**


	2. A Visit to Porky's Office

**Hi again! I actually managed to post this chapter sooner than expected (I'm on a roll right now)! :D It has a couple of references to the 1952 Looney Tunes episode "The Super Snooper". Now that I let you know, please continue! :)**

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Porky's office was a small room with only a few pieces of furniture. There was a desk, some chairs, a bookcase, a coat rack, and a waste basket with a few crumpled sheets of paper inside. On the side wall, a window with a scenic view of the city let some natural light in.

"S-S-Sit down." Porky said, gesturing to the two metal chairs in front of his desk. Bugs and Daffy took their seats. Porky cleared his throat.

"Well, I'm guessing you're both c-c-c, wondering why I called you in here. . ." He stammered. The two nodded.

"I have an imp-p-p, a big case for you," The pig reached behind his desk and pulled out a case file with the word "Important" stamped on it in red ink. "There seems to be strange happenings i-i-in an abandoned mansion in Beverage Hills, and-"

"Ah, yes, the Ax Handle Estate! I remember! It had 50 plus rooms, and. . ." Daffy continued blabbering, sending drops of spit in all directions. Porky and Bugs stared at him with blank looks on their faces. Daffy noticed them and stopped talking.

"It's not the Ax Handle Estate, Daffy. There were strange h-happenings going on there, too, b-b-but that place is not abandoned and you didn't even solve the case." He reached behind his desk a second time and pulled out a dusty folder with Daffy's name and ID typed on it. The case file was cleverly named "The Ax Handle Estate Case" followed by the word "Unsolved" stamped beneath it. The pig blew the dust off of the folder, causing Bugs and Daffy to cough. Porky opened the folder and examined it.

"Hmm. . . As a matter-of-fact, you didn't even make it to the h-h-h, the place." He turned the folder around so Bugs and Daffy could see. Among the papers was a picture of Daffy running from a huge mansion with a girl duck at his heels. She had red hair, a long red dress, and matching high heels. Daffy cringed. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Bugs snickering.

"Hey! What could I do!? She had that ol' ball-and-chain look in her eye! I couldn't help it if she thought a handsome, hard-boiled gumshoe like me was irresistible!" At that, both Porky and Bugs erupted with laughter. Daffy scowled and slumped in his chair, fuming. A few minutes later, both of them calmed down.

"Ok-k-kay, b-b-back to what I was saying. There's an empty mansion up in Beverage Hills that ap-p-pears to be having some strange activity. I'd like both of you to go and investigate." Daffy leaped out of his chair.

"WHAT?! You mean I have to work on a case with BUGS?" The duck pointed at Bugs, who appeared slightly annoyed at his comment. "You can't do this to me! It's unconstitutional! A duck just overflowing with talent, forced to work with a rabbit who couldn't care less about his job!" Bugs got up and pointed a finger right at Daffy.

"Hey! I'm not the one who sleeps on the job!" Daffy put up his fists.

"You want to fight? Okay, put 'em up! Come on! What is it? Are you afraid to fight the handsome, hard-boiled gumshoe who is great with his fists?" Daffy hopped back and forth like a boxer, waiting. The hare just smirked and shrugged casually.

"Eh, I don't want to waste my energy."

"Oh, don't let that stop you, brother!" The duck swung a fist at Bugs, who stepped out of the way just in time. Daffy lost his balance from the force he put into his punch and stumbled forward - right out the window. Just before he fell, he paused and looked down.

"Mother!" He whimpered. He then began his fall from the top floor of the Acme Detective Agency to the ground. Porky and Bugs rushed to the window.

"I wonder if that crazy duck remembers that he can fly?" A loud crash from the street answered Bugs's question.

"I g-g-guess not." Porky said. They returned to their seats.

"So, anything else?

"Y-Y-Yes. First, take this car key," Porky gave it to Bugs, who put it in his jacket pocket. "Also, keep an eye on Daffy." Just then the office door opened, showing a very unhappy duck behind it. He was dressed with a bandage on his head, his leg and foot in a cast, and his arm in a sling. Two crutches supported him.

"Well, with Daffy looking like that, keeping an eye on him will be pretty easy!" Bugs said to Porky, grinning. Daffy shook the bandages off in frustration and stomped over to Bugs.

"You're despicable!" He grumbled. Porky stood up.

"Ok-k-kay, I think that's enough briefing. I'll get in c-c-c, in touch with you if needed." Bugs and Daffy proceeded to leave.

"See you later, Porky!" The bunny called.

"Yeah, good-bye, Fat Boy!" Daffy slammed the door behind him, leaving Porky alone in his office.

 _"P-P-Poor Bugs. . ."_ Porky thought to himself.

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 **Well, another chapter done! The next chapter is about the events that occur as they prepare to head out to Beverage Hills.**


	3. Elevators: A Crash Course

**Hello again! I can't believe I typed and posted this chapter all in one day (this is history in the making, folks)! :D Sorry that it's kind of short (I did this on purpose). :) Read on!**

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The car pool at the Acme Detective Agency was in an underground parking lot beneath the building. To get there, Bugs and Daffy had to take the elevator all the way from the top floor down to the parking lot in the basement.

"Why in the world do elevators need to take so long just to go a few floors?" Daffy complained as he and his co-detective took the slow ride to the basement.

"Well, we were on the 50th floor." Bugs replied.

"I was just exasperating."

"You mean exaggerating." Bugs corrected. Daffy grew more and more impatient as he paced around the small elevator.

"This is ridiculous! There must be some way to make this elevator go faster!" Daffy glanced at the control panel and saw a small, green button labeled "High-Speed".

"Ah, here we go!" The duck exclaimed.

"Daff, I don't think-"

"I know you don't, Bugs. That's why I'm making this intelligent decision!" He pressed the button and the elevator plunged.

"AHHHHH!"

They screamed all the way down. Bugs instantly grabbed onto the metal bar on the wall while Daffy held on to his hat for dear life. The elevator came to a harsh stop at the bottom. Bugs was still clinging to the bar, dazed; Daffy was stuck to the ceiling, his hat pulled over his eyes. Bugs finally got back to his senses and stood up.

"Daffy, are you okay?" The duck fixed his hat and looked at Bugs.

"Well, I've been better. Hey, why are you down there?"

"I'm on the ground, doc. You're stuck to the ceiling."

"Oh. Can you get me down?" Daffy asked. The rabbit examined the elevator for anything that could get Daffy off of the ceiling, but found nothing.

"I can't get you down just yet. I'll have to check around the lot."

"Don't worry - I'm not going anyplace."

Bugs opened the doors using the emergency button on the control panel and stepped out. The car pool was dimly lit and uncomfortably quiet, but Bugs tried his best to see. A few feet away from the elevator were a bucket of plaster and a spatula.

"Perfect! Now I just need a long pole to attach it to." The bunny said to himself. He grabbed the plaster spatula, went over to the janitor's closet, and got a broom and some rope. He tied the scraper to the broomstick and returned to the elevator.

"Sheesh! What took you so long?" Daffy said impatiently. Bugs leaned against the broom and stared at him.

"Now, if you're going to greet me like that, I'll just leave you there." He turned as if to leave.

"No, wait! I'm sorry! Can you please get me down, Bugsy ol' pal?" Bugs smiled and started scraping Daffy off the ceiling.

"Okay, Daffy, get ready to fall. I'm almost done!"

"Come on, Bugs! Do you really think you need to tell me that? I'm an expert when it comes to-" Bugs finished scraping and Daffy face-planted on the hard, unforgiving floor of the elevator.

"Landing on your face?" Bugs suggested. Daffy got up and dusted himself off.

"Thanks a lot, pal." He said sarcastically. The two detectives exited the elevator and walked around the parking lot.

"Which car are we looking for?" Daffy asked. His partner glanced at the car key.

"Number 73." They continued through the rows of parked cars until they found it.

"Here it is!" Bugs said.

"At least, that was easy and pleasant," Daffy added. Bugs unlocked the door and began to sit in the driver's seat.

"Wait a minute! I should drive!" Daffy shouted, reaching for the key in Bugs's hand.

"No, Daffy. You almost got us killed in the elevator and we didn't even get started on the case yet." The duck sighed heavily as he sat in the passenger seat. After what seemed like forever, they drove out of the parking lot and headed toward Beverage Hills.


	4. Inside the Mansion

**Aha! I managed to write a longer chapter for this story! I am so proud of my accomplishment! Enjoy the chapter! :)**

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It was 10 A.M. when Bugs and Daffy started driving to the abandoned mansion in Beverage Hills. The traffic was light, and everything was peaceful.

"I'm glad we're out of that creepy parking lot, right Daff?" Bugs glanced at his fellow detective for a second before focusing back on the road.

"Yeah, it was strangely quiet, too. What that parking lot needs is a complete makeover!" Daffy responded. The car cruised past various shops and supermarkets, then came to a stop at a red light.

"So, what exactly does Fat Boy want us to investigate?" The duck questioned.

"I guess anything suspicious." Bugs replied.

"Do you think we'll run into. . . criminals?" Daffy asked, sounding slightly concerned.

"Maybe. You're not scared, are you?" Bugs's partner puffed out his chest.

"Me? The bravest detective in the history of the Acme Detective Agency? Don't be silly!" The light turned green and Bugs continued driving; when he wasn't looking, Daffy trembled slightly.

Bugs turned down a side street which led them directly to the mansion. They pulled up in front and stared at it. Although it was a bright and sunny day, the sky above the abandoned mansion was dark and gloomy. A huge clap of thunder sounded and a couple of lightning bolts streaked across the patch of gloomy sky.

"Well, this is it." Bugs said. He looked over at Daffy, who seemed to be hiding behind the car door. The bunny quietly got out of the car and snuck around to where Daffy was. He placed his chin on the door and waited for him to look. The duck did and screamed.

"AHH! Don't do that!" Bugs was laughing as he opened the door so his partner could get out.

"Alright, I'm sorry." He apologized, smiling. They walked up the cracked sidewalk to the front door. Daffy reached for the doorbell.

"Umm. . . I don't think anyone's going to answer, doc. It's supposed to be abandoned, remember?"

"Oh, right. I knew that." Daffy replied sheepishly. Bugs shook his head and rolled his eyes. He tried the doorknob, but the door wouldn't budge.

"Here, I'll break the door down. Stand back, Bugs!" Daffy took a few steps back until he was at the edge of the porch. Then he charged, eyes closed, to the front door.

Unfortunately, he missed it completely and smashed through a window just inches away. Bugs carefully stepped around the shards of broken glass and peeked inside. Daffy was lying on the ground, still dazed from the impact.

"What is it with you and windows?"

"Oh, quiet! I got in, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but can you please open the door now? I'd like to come in through the actual entrance." Daffy got up and unlocked the door for his partner. Bugs avoided the glass on the porch as he came in and examined the inside of the mansion more closely. There were cobwebs everywhere, dusty furniture, and faded walls with the wooden support beams exposed in some places.

"Let's check the living room first." Bugs suggested. The room looked like the same as the entrance of the house and was only a few steps away from the front door. Daffy pulled out a magnifying glass and started meticulously checking everything for fingerprints and other clues.

"Aha!" He exclaimed.

"What is it, Daffy?"

"Look! This chair doesn't have a speck of dust on it! That means that somebody's been here recently!"

"Good work! But if someone has been here, we should try to be quiet - they might still be here." Bugs said. Daffy covered his bill with his hand.

"Good point. Let's check out the other rooms." The duck whispered. They decided to investigate the kitchen next. Everything in there looked old and run down, too, but the detectives found more evidence of somebody being there. Daffy approached the refrigerator and used a hankerchief to open it, in order to preserve any fingerprints.

"Hey! The icebox is full of food! Someone must be staying here!" The detective commented.

"Hmm. . . There's also dirty dishes in the sink." Bugs pointed to stacks of used dishes.

"I wonder what else we'll find here?" Daffy asked aloud.

"Maybe we'll discover more clues upstairs." They left the kitchen and climbed the stairs to the second floor. Unlike downstairs, this area of the mansion looked fresh and new; it was still creepy and dark, but no cobwebs lined the walls and the paint appeared unfaded.

"This looks a lot different from the kitchen and living room." Bugs observed. Daffy noticed a light coming from one of the bedrooms and tip-toed to the door. The hare followed. Daffy kneeled down and peeked through the keyhole.

"Can you see anything?" Bugs whispered.

"Yeah. There's some lamps, a couple of chairs, a fireplace, a rug-"

"Anything else?"

"Hmm. . . Wait, there's somebody sitting in a chair in front of the fireplace!"

"Who?"

"I can't tell - the chair's back is too high. I can only see their hand." At that moment, a voice came from inside. It was a man's voice, medium in tone, with a tough-sounding accent.

"Hey, did you take care of the items in the basement?" Another voice answered; it was also male, but his voice was slightly higher in tone and didn't sound very bright.

"Yes, boss."

"Good." Bugs and Daffy leaned away from the door and looked at each other.

"The basement? Something's not right; let's go and investigate!" The rabbit said. He and his partner headed downstairs. Meanwhile in the bedroom, one of the men was having second thoughts.

"Are you sure you took care of it?"

"Yeah, boss!"

"Well, go check it again."

"Okay, boss."

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 **Hmm. . . What could be in the basement? Will Bugs and Daffy get caught? Who were the two guys in the bedroom? D: You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out! :) The next chapter has some action, so read on!**


	5. The Basement

**Hello, again everyone! Another chapter has arrived! I know the last chapter ended in a torturous cliffhanger, but this chapter will hopefully satisfy you. :)**

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The detectives managed to find the basement, which was across the hall from the kitchen. They opened the door to find a dark and eerie staircase leading down. Daffy began to tremble again.

"Y-You can go first." He gestured to let Bugs go ahead.

"No, thanks. Here, you'll go first while I find the light switch."

"No! I won't do it!" Daffy refused.

"Okay, I'll find the light switch and you go first!"

"That's better!" The duck said. Thinking that he won the argument, Daffy turned around and tripped on the first step. Bugs watched as his partner fell, creating a racket all the way down. The hare noticed a switch on the wall and flipped it. The lights in the basement turned on; Daffy was sprawled out at the foot of the stairs, almost fully unconscious.

"Found it!" Bugs called. His friend groaned. The rabbit headed down the staircase and helped him up.

"Today just doesn't seem to be your day, duck." Bugs said with a hint of sympathy.

"Oh, you've noticed, too," Daffy muttered. They scanned the area and focused on a wooden table in the middle of the room. In the dim light, they could see something hidden underneath a large tablecloth. They approached the table to examine it closer.

"Hmm. . . What's this?" Bugs asked as he lifted the cloth. The detectives gasped. Piled in neat stakes were hundreds of gold bricks, all stamped with the words "Property of Fort Knox" followed by their serial numbers.

"Wow! The two guys upstairs must have somehow robbed Fort Knox and stashed the stuff here!" The bunny whispered.

"Yeah!" Daffy replied. He turned away from the money to continue searching and froze. Looming over him, smiling, was Mugsy; his gun was aimed right at Daffy's chest. Shaking, the duck tapped on Bugs's shoulder.

"I wonder how much money all of this gold is worth?" The rabbit said, ignoring him. Daffy tapped on his shoulder again. "What is it, Daffy? Did you find some-?" Bugs felt a gun pressing against his back.

"Okay, rabbit. Stick 'em up and turn around slowly." Bugs did as he was told. He looked up and saw Mugsy grinning evilly at him. Daffy suddenly came up with an idea.

"Look! There's. . . uhh. . . a police officer right behind you!"

"Huh?" Mugsy turned away from them to look and the detectives made their move. Bugs and Daffy ran around the big oaf and up the basement steps. Realizing he had been tricked, Mugsy shouted at them.

"Hey!" He fired a couple of shots at them, one just missing Daffy's head. The detectives sprinted out of the house and got into their car.

In the mansion, Mugsy's boss, Rocky, came out of the bedroom and rushed down the stairs.

"Mugsy? What's going on? I thought I told you to check the basement!" Mugsy met Rocky at the top of the basement steps.

"I did, boss! Some detectives were looking around! They ran away after I spotted them!"

"Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get them, Mugsy!" The thugs ran out of the house and got into their car, Mugsy sitting in the driver's seat.

"Hurry up, Mugsy!" Rocky yelled. His idiotic partner started the car and took off after them.

A short distance ahead, Bugs was approaching the first intersection.

"Turn left here!" Daffy said, frantically flailing his arms. "The two criminals are right behind us!"

"But Daffy-"

"Turn left!" Bugs made a sharp left and the bad guys followed. Rocky leaned out of the window of his car and fired several shots. Bugs swerved the car to avoid getting hit by bullets as he and Daffy ducked (no pun intended) for cover. They reached another intersection.

"Turn left! Turn left!" Daffy shouted over the gunfire.

"Daffy, that won't wor-"

"Just turn left!" The duck yelled. Bugs sighed and turned left again, Rocky and Mugsy still on their heels. "They're right behind us!"

"I know! There's never a police car when you need one. . ." Bugs replied. The next intersection came into view.

"Turn left!" Daffy screamed.

"Daffy, I'm trying to tell you-"

"And I'm trying to tell you to turn left! I'm not stupid! I know what I'm doing! TURN LEFT!" Dafy shouted, fists waving in the air. Bugs made another left and followed the steet as it curved. He finally stopped in front of a house.

"Hmm. . . That house looks strangely familiar." Daffy said, looking at it.

"I know - it's the abandoned mansion we just came out of less than five minutes ago."

"Oh."

"That's why I was trying to tell you that turning left wasn't going to work." Bugs said, noticeably annoyed.

"Well, you weren't following my instructions right! Move over, Bugs! I'm driving this time!" The duck shoved Bugs over to the passenger's side of the seat while he sat behind the wheel. Rocky and Mugsy came barrelling toward them.

"Here we go again!" Daffy said. He slammed on the gas pedal and zoomed down the street.

"Get 'em, Mugsy!" Rocky shouted. Mugsy sped up to chase after the detectives. Bugs and Daffy reached the first intersection again.

"This time, we'll go right!" The duck made a hard right, causing Bugs to slam into him. Daffy pushed him off with his shoulder.

"Get off of me! Can't you see I'm trying to evade these criminals?" Rocky leaned out of the window again and shot at the detectives. Bugs hid behind the seat as Daffy got to the next intersection.

"Hmm. . . Let's go straight!" Daffy shouted above the noise. Bugs looked at the road ahead.

"Daffy, I don't think that's a good idea." The duck didn't pay attention to him and went straight anyway. The route Daffy chose went uphill and had a ton of twists and turns. Rocky continued firing at them; Bugs could hear the rounds hitting the metal of the car's body. A sign appeared on the horizon.

"What does that say?" Daffy inquired.

"It says, 'Danger: Bridge Out'." Bugs answered. Daffy began to panic.

"Uhh. . . I think this is a good a time as any for you to take the wheel!" He let go of the steering wheel and climbed over Bugs to return to the passenger's seat.

A shot rang out and Daffy collapsed onto the cushion. The rabbit looked over to his friend and grabbed the wheel. They were getting dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. he slammed on the brakes and the car squealed to a stop. Behind them, Rocky and Mugsy continued driving at full speed.

"Hey, boss! What does that sign say?"

"It says, 'Danger: Bridge Out', Mugsy." Rocky realized what he just read and grabbed onto his partner.

"STOP, MUGSY!" It was too late. Their car zoomed right past the detectives' car and went off the cliff.

"MUGSY!" Rocky's voice faded as the car fell out of sight. Bugs watched for a second before turning his focus on his friend. The rabbit moved closer to Daffy to check on him; a patch of red seeped through the duck's jacket. Bugs reached for a cloth while he tried talking to him.

"Daffy? Come on, Daffy. Speak to me!" The duck slowly opened his eyes and glanced at his chest.

"AHH! I've been hit!"

"Daffy, calm down! Everything will be okay!"

"Oh, I never thought my end will come like this! Me, the number one detective at the Acme Detective Agency, with so much to live for, gets his life cut short by a couple of lousy criminals!" He started to cry hysterically.

"Please stop crying, Daffy. You know I hate to see anyone cry. . . " Bugs pleaded, tears starting to blur his vision. Daffy kept crying and reached under his jacket to touch the wound; suddenly, he stopped.

"Wait a minute!" He said, pulling his hand back out to check it. "This isn't blood - it's ketchup!" Bugs looked at Daffy, puzzled.

"Ketchup?"

"Yeah. I saved a few packets in my cigar case from lunch."

"Why?"

"I was all out of ketchup at home!" Bugs facepalmed and shook his head.

"You had me worried sick!" He exclaimed, slightly angry. "Oh, well, at least you're okay."

"Yeah, that would have been tragic if my cigar case wasn't in my pocket." He pulled it out; it was all dented and covered in ketchup. Daffy took the bullet out of the metal and held it up.

"This would have hurt!"

"You should keep it in a safe place; we could use it for evidence." Bugs suggested. Daffy wiped it clean with a hankerchief and put it in his other jacket pocket.

"So, what do we do now, Bugs?"

"Let's go back to headquarters, so we can tell Porky what we've found." Bugs carefully made a U-turn and drove back in the direction of the Acme Detective Agency.

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 **I apologize for any minor heart attacks that might have occurred due to that kind of dramatic and sad part. X) If anyone doesn't know who Rocky and Mugsy are, just look up the 1954 Looney Tunes episode "Bugs and Thugs". :) And, as a random note, I'd like to give a shoutout to my friend Jessica for reading chapters one through four in only four minutes! ;)**


	6. Back to Headquarters

**Sorry about the wait! I had school stuff to do. :( But this chapter will be quite interesting, I promise!**

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On the way back, Daffy kept looking at his stained jacket.

"Bugs, can we please stop at a dry cleaners? I'd rather look presentable for the boss when we tell him what we've uncovered."

"Okay." Bugs answered.

They pulled into the parking lot of the nearest dry cleaners, went inside, and walked up to the counter. The man on duty was nowhere to be seen. Daffy rang the bell impatiently. The employee ran out of a back room; his hair was messy, his clothes were rumpled, and he appeared to have a temper. Suddenly, he fixed himself up and greeted the detectives as if nothing had happened.

"Yes?" He asked in a deep, gravelly voice.

"Hi. I'd like to have this suit jacket cleaned." Daffy took his jacket off and handed it to the clerk; the man examined it and gave him a quizzical look.

"It's ketchup." The duck explained hurriedly.

"I see. I'll have it clean in about five minutes. You may sit in the lobby." The man disappeared into the back room while Bugs and Daffy sat down.

"So, how do you think those robbers managed to swipe the gold bars from Fort Knox?" Daffy whispered.

"Hmm. . . Well, since Fort Knox is a high-security place, the only way I can think of is that it was an inside job." The man returned from the back and held up the garment - it was completely clean.

"Here you are!" The clerk called.

"Oh, thank you!" The duck cheered, hugged his beloved jacket, and put it on again.

"That'll be ten dollars." The man said, holding out his hand. Daffy checked his pockets for money.

"Bugsy, pal, pay the lad, will you?" Bugs sighed, pulled out a ten, and gave it to the clerk. The detectives walked out and got into their car.

"You realize that have to pay me back for that ten-dollar cleaning." Bugs told his partner.

"Yeah, I know. I'll pay you back when we get paid." Daffy replied.

Bugs started the car and they continued on their journey back to headquarters. Five minutes later, they parked in the eerie underground parking lot of the Acme Detective Agency. The car pool was just the way they left it - the elevator was still busted at the bottom of its shaft and the whole place was unusually quiet.

"Since the elevator's not working, how are we supposed to get up to the 50th floor?" The duck asked. Bugs pointed to the staircase.

"We could always take the stairs."

"Oh, no you don't! Not after what happened to me on the basement steps!" Daffy shouted defiantly.

"Well, what do you have in mind?" Bugs questioned. His pal tried to think. After a while, the rabbit sighed.

"Well, while you're thinking, I'm going to take the stairs." Bugs walked over to the stairs and started climbing.

"Fine! Have it your way! I'm going to take a better way up!" Daffy yelled after him.

"Okay! Meet you on the 50th floor, pal!" Bugs's voice echoed back. Daffy walked outside and around the side of the building. He spotted the window of the office he and Bugs worked in.

"Aha! There it is!" He pulled out his gun along with a grappling attachment and set it up. "Ha! If only Bugs could see me now!" He aimed the gun just above the window at a brick ledge and fired. Daffy was lifted off of the ground at a super-fast speed.

"GERONIMO!"

Meanwhile, in the main office, Bugs was waiting for his partner.

"What did that crazy duck come up with this time?" As if on cue, a loud bang sounded behind him, making him jump. He turned around to see Daffy flattened on the window, gun in hand. He slowly peeled off, leaving him dangling by the line of his grappling hook a couple of feet below it. The hare opened the window and looked down at him.

"You know, it would have been easier if you had just taken the st-"

"I know. I KNOW!" Daffy muttered. "Just pull me up!" Bugs helped him in and Daffy put his gun and hook back in his pocket.

"Hmm. . . Do you notice something?" The duck asked.

"What?"

"The office is empty." Bugs glanced at the empty desks, then looked at his watch.

"Well, it is lunch time, Daff."

"Oh, good point. Why have I never noticed how quiet this place gets during lunch?"

"Because you're always sleeping." Bugs replied.

"True." They walked to Porky's office and knocked on the door.

"C-C-Come in! It's open!" The pig called. Daffy opened the door and they entered.

"Hi, B-B-Bugs! Hey, D-D-Daffy! How's the c-c-c, the investigation coming?" Porky greeted them happily.

"We found out a lot of information!" Bugs explained as he and Daffy sat down.

"G-Great! I'd love to h-h-hear it!" The boss said as he pulled out the case file.

"Well, we went to the abandoned mansion like you told us to and found some peculiar things." Bugs began.

"Ok-k-kay," Porky responded as he wrote some notes in the file. "Like what?" This time, Daffy answered.

"For one, some of the furniture wasn't dusty at all! The refrigerator was even packed with food!"

"Anything else?"

"Yes. When we checked the upstairs, we heard some voices." Bugs continued.

"There were two men, and they were talking about something in the basement! So we went down there to investigate, and we uncovered one of the most unbelievable crimes in the history of crimes!" Daffy chimed in, flailing his arms for emphasis.

"What Daffy means is that we found-"

"Gold bricks that were stolen from Fort K-K-Knox." Porky finished.

"And two Indian Head Nickels and a dime," Daffy added. He pulled said coins out of his pocket and placed them on the boss's desk. Porky and Bugs looked at the coins and then at him.

"Where did you get those?" Bugs inquired.

"A good detective never forgets the details." The duck responded, pulling his magnifying glass out of his jacket mysteriously and putting it back. Bugs started to shake his head, then, realizing something, stopped and turned back to Porky.

"Wait a minute. How did you know that it was a bunch of gold bricks?" In an instant, Porky pulled out his gun and pointed it at them. Daffy instinctively raised his hands and trembled in his chair.

"I knew you were g-g-going to ask that, B-B-Bugs. You were always p-p-pretty c-clever." Daffy, for once, was almost at a loss for words.

"Y-You? F-F-Fat Boy?" He stammered helplessly. Porky pulled the hammer back on his gun and glared at Daffy.

"Yes, D-D-D-Daffy. Ol' Fat B-Boy. I p-p-put you on the case with B-Bugs because I figured your cr-cr-cr, your insanity would get you both k-k-killed." Bugs glared at Daffy and back at Porky.

"Well, that almost worked. . ." Daffy put his arms down and looked at his partner.

"Hey!"

"So, you were working with Rocky and Mugsy." Bugs said knowingly.

"Of c-c-course. How do you think they were ca-ca-ca, were able to steal all of that g-g-gold? I g-got them a couple of outfits and g-gave the security g-guard a nonsense story ab-bout gold brick inspection. We drove in, t-took the money, and left. It was really q-quite simple."

"Does the fact that nobody's working out in the office have anything to do with your plan?" Daffy asked.

"I-I-In a way. I let everyone leave early so you c-c-couldn't call for help."

"Are you going to get rid of them like you will us?" The duck squeaked, shaking some more.

"No, p-p-probably not. The other d-d-d, other investigators aren't nearly as b-b-bright as Bugs. I needed to get him and you out of the w-w-way so no one would be the wiser." The rabbit in question crossed his arms.

"What about Rocky and Mugsy? I doubt that you're going to share the gold with them."

"I'll t-take c-c-care of them later. For now. . . Rock-k-ky! Mugsy!" The two thugs stepped into Porky's office, guns drawn.

"Yeah, Porky?" Rocky said.

"Boys, t-t-take them for a ride."

"Okay, Porky. Let's go, Mugsy." Rocky replied. They grabbed Bugs and Daffy and escorted them out.

* * *

 **Well, what did you think of that? Sorry for throwing a wrench into the works, folks, but I thought it would make for a kind of surprising plot twist. :)**


	7. Trying to Escape

**Hi, again! Sorry about the wait (school stuff keeps coming in even though it's near the end of the year). :( Anyway, here's a nice, lengthy chapter for your reading pleasure. :) Most of the gags in this chapter are based on the "Bugs and Thugs" episode that I mentioned earlier (just in case anyone finds it familiar).**

* * *

Rocky and Mugsy led the two detectives outside and into their car. Mugsy sat in the driver's seat, Porky in the passenger's, and Daffy, Rocky, and Bugs in the back. The thug pointed each of the two guns he was holding at the detectives so they wouldn't try anything.

"Okay, Mugsy," Rocky told his partner. Mugsy turned the car on and took off.

"W-Where are you taking us?" Daffy asked, staring at the gun barrel pointing at him.

"Shut up!" Rocky pressed the gun firmly against Daffy's chest; the duck gulped. The car eventually came to a stop at a train track. The criminal shook the gun he was aiming at Bugs.

"Okay, rabbit. Go check and see if the coast is clear."

"Okay, boss." Bugs replied, imitating Mugsy's voice. He stepped out of the car to check the track.

"Uhh. . . I'll go help him!" Daffy added as he quickly exited the car. He joined his partner at the crossing.

"What are we going to do? We can't escape!" He whispered.

"Don't worry! I have an idea." Bugs answered.

"Like what?" The duck inquired, raising his voice slightly. Bugs winked at him and turned toward the car.

"Okay, all clear!" He called to the robbers. Daffy looked at the track and noticed a train in the distance.

"But there's a train coming! They're not going to fall for that!" To Daffy's disbelief, the car inched forward and got slammed by the train as soon as it touched the track.

"Wow, they fell for it!" The duck exclaimed. Bugs gently grabbed his arm.

"We can talk about that later! Let's go!" They started running. About 30 feet away, Rocky climbed out of the wreckage and shot at them. The bullet brushed Bugs's tail and they stopped.

"Ouch!" The bunny carefully massaged his soft cottontail and wiggled it; fortunately, it was okay. Rocky caught up with them.

"Okay, wise guys. Get over there and get the car back on the road." Bugs and Daffy reluctantly did as they were told. They pushed the vehicle onto the main road and leaned against it, breathing heavily from the exertion.

"Okay, here it is." Bugs reported.

"Great, now fix it," Rocky ordered.

"Yeah, fix it," Mugsy said. Rocky punched him.

"Shut up!"

"Aww, this is ridiculous! If I weren't being held at gunpoint, I'd-" Daffy started to object. Porky and the other two criminals glared at him. Daffy smiled nervously and got under the car to begin the repairs; Bugs started on the engine. After two long, excruciating hours, they finished. Bugs wiped some sweat off of his brow and sighed.

"Well, here it is, all done. But there's a wheel missing. I'm afraid you're stuck." The bunny told the bad guys.

"But don't worry! We'll go get one and bring it back here in a jiffy!" Daffy explained. He tried to walk away, but Rocky fired a warning shot into the air.

"Stay right there," He growled at Daffy and returned his attention to Bugs. "We're not stuck, rabbit. You're stuck."

"Yeah, we're not stuck," Mugsy interjected. Rocky punched his partner again.

"I said shut up!" The three robbers got back into the car and Bugs and Daffy followed. They grabbed onto the axle of the missing wheel and struggled to lift it.

"Come on!" Rocky ordered. The car roared to life and Mugsy began driving; the detectives could barely keep up. Porky and Rocky leaned out of their windows with their guns aimed at them.

"Hey, Mugsy. Let's take the scenic route. He-he-he." The small criminal laughed menacingly.

"Okay, boss." Mugsy agreed. Meanwhile, Daffy was getting tired.

"I. . . can't. . . do. . . this. . . anymore. . . " He panted. Bugs kept running and looked at him.

"We have to keep going. I'm thinking of another plan."

"Another plan?! It was THIS latest plan of yours that got us into this mess!" Daffy shouted above the racket of cars driving nearby.

"I promise it'll work this time, okay?" Bugs said, smiling.

"Hey! Stop talking!" Rocky yelled. The agents obeyed and continued struggling with the tire axle.

Several hours later, in the middle of the night, they reached Rocky and Mugsy's main hideout. It was a small house with the back of it hanging over the edge of a cliff. The car slowed down and stopped; Bugs and Daffy sighed, still holding the bar. Mugsy got out of the car first and walked over to them.

"Okay, get inside." The giant idiot commanded. Bugs and Daffy let go of the axle and the 2,000-pound vehicle landed on Mugsy's foot.

"OUCH!" The thug clutched his foot; unfortunately, he managed to hold on to his gun as well. The remaining bad guys got out of the car and approached them.

"Mugsy! What happened?" Rocky asked.

"They dropped the car on my foot!" Mugsy whimpered. Rocky stuck his gun in Bugs's back firmly; Porky did the same with Daffy.

"Alright, start moving." Bugs began walking toward the house and Porky nudged Daffy to follow.

"G-G-Get moving!"

"Alright, alright, I'm going!" Daffy grumbled as they entered the house.

"Come here, Mugsy," Rocky said. Mugsy went to him while Porky watched the detectives in the corner of the living room.

"Yes, boss?"

"Here, take this," Rocky took Mugsy's gun and gave him a much larger one. "Take them into the other room and let them have it. . . One-by-one." Daffy gulped; Bugs looked slightly concerned.

"Okay, boss," Mugsy took his new gun and walked over to them. He grabbed each one by the arm and dragged them into the adjacent room. Once inside, Mugsy locked the door and giggled as he turned toward them, gun pointed. Bugs put his idea to work.

"Okay, Mugsy. Let me have it." He coaxed. The thug glanced at the weapon in his hand and back at Bugs, confused.

"Huh?"

"Come, come. You heard what the boss said! Now let me have it!" The rabbit tried again. Mugsy nodded and gave it to him.

"That's better." Bugs fired the gun at Mugsy, covering his face in gunpowder and making him stumble. Mugsy unlocked the door and went back into the living room.

"I let them have it, boss, just like you said. . ." He reported stupidly just before he collapsed on top of Rocky. The smaller criminal punched his dumb accomplice off him.

"GET OFF! It looks like I have to take care of them myself." He grabbed the big gun from Mugsy and slowly walked to the closed door leading to the detectives.

Back in the other room, Daffy and Bugs were thinking of a way to escape.

"That was your plan?" The duck questioned.

"Yep."

"Well, it was definitely a lot better than the last one."

"Thanks, duck." Bugs replied.

"But what do we do now? I think Rocky's coming!" Bugs grinned and started making the sound of screeching car brakes and police sirens. He changed his voice as well. Outside the door, Rocky stopped and looked around nervously.

"Alright, Clancy! Take the boys and surround the house!" The hare waited for Daffy to join in.

"This won't work! They're not that stupid!"

"Just play along!" Bugs said quickly. Daffy let out a short sigh and changed his voice.

"Yes, sir! Come on, boys! Cover that window! Follow that car! Eat that donut!" He got really into it and made his voice sound really convincing. Bugs tried hard not to laugh.

"Perfect! Keep going, Daffy! I'll take care of the thugs!" He ran out of the room.

"The cops!" He shouted, causing the crooks to panic. Rocky ran over to him.

"Quick! Hide me! Hide me!" Bugs ushered him into the oven. Rocky climbed in, unknowingly. Mugsy rushed over to Bugs as well.

"Hide me! It's not fair! You gotta hide me, too!" He cried.

"I must be dreaming. It couldn't be this easy." Bugs quietly said to himself. He focused back on the criminal.

"Okay, hide in here, quick!" Mugsy got inside and Bugs used a stick to help stuff him in. Porky tapped the bunny's shoulder.

"Eh, what's up, doc?" Bugs asked his crooked boss.

"I-I-I'll make a deal with you, B-B-Bugs. If you h-h-hide me, I'll k-k-kill you quickly."

"Why, that's very neighborly of you! Here." Bugs stuffed Porky into the oven as well and shut the oven. Then he quietly closed the door to the other room and continued his police charade. He banged on the door.

"Open up! This is the police!" Bugs threw himself against it and bust it open.

"Alright, rabbit. Where's Rocky? Where's he hiding?" He asked in a silly accent. Then he ran over to the stove.

"He's not in the stove!" Bugs answered himself. He spun around and played the officer again.

"Oh-ho, he's hiding in the stove, eh?" Bugs flipped a switch on the oven.

"Look, mac. Would I turn on the gas if my friend Rocky was in there?"

"You might, rabbit, you might."

"Well, would I toss a lighted match in there if my friend Rocky was in there?" He struck a match on his leg and threw it in. The oven exploded and Bugs resumed his police disguise.

"Alright, rabbit, you've convinced me. I'll look for Rocky in the city." Bugs shut the door to the room and Rocky, Mugsy, and Porky crawled out, all charred from the eruption.

Outside of the house, real police cars pulled up, sirens blaring. A police chief gave instructions to his partner; his voice sounded strangely similar to Bugs's impersonation.

"Alright, Clancy! Take the boys and surround the house!"

"Hey, Bugs! The police!" Daffy shouted as he met the rabbit in the living room. Bugs smiled at him and turned to the crooks.

"Did you hear that? The cops!" The thugs panicked and climbed back into the oven. The police chief called from behind the door to the adjacent room.

"Open up! This is the police!" The officer banged the door open and came in. He pointed at Bugs.

"Alright, rabbit. Where's Rocky? Where's he hiding?" This time, both Bugs and Daffy leaned against the oven suspiciously.

"He's not in the stove!" They said simultaneously. The police chief asked the same questions Bugs made up minutes earlier and the detectives followed the script. When Bugs was about to throw the match into the oven, however, the thugs burst out, running Bugs and Daffy over in the process.

"Oh, no you don't!" The thieves shouted as they rushed over to the policeman.

"Alright! I confess! I did it!"

"Just don't leave me with those screwy agents! Arrest me! Arrest me!"

"P-P-Please! Take me to the b-b-big house!" Rocky, Mugsy, and Porky begged all at once. The officer stared at them in amazement.

"Uhh. . . Do you have evidence of the crime?" He asked Bugs and Daffy. Rocky answered first.

"Yes! We'll cooperate! The loot is in the basement of-"

"Okay, Rocky. That's enough. Let's go." The police chief lead the robbers out, Bugs and Daffy trailing behind them.

"What a break! What are the odds of real policemen showing up right after you pulled off that imitation stunt?" Daffy commented.

"I don't know, but at least we solved the case."

"Yeah, although I still think it was my amazing talent as a hard-boiled gumshoe that really solved it!" Daffy winked and gently elbowed his partner.

They both laughed as they climbed into the back of one of the patrol cars. The parade of police vehicles started their engines and headed back to the city in the cool, dark night.

* * *

 **Well, another clever plan from Bugs saves the day. Don't worry, though, this is not the end of the story; I wrote a little epilogue for your enjoyment! Thanks to those of you who favorited and followed the story so far (I really appreciate it)! :)**


	8. Epilogue

**Hi, people! I managed to type this up at school so I could post it sooner. :) Please enjoy!**

* * *

At the B and D Detective Agency, everyone was busy working on their cases. In the renovated boss's office, Bugs and Daffy enjoyed their new desks (and Daffy loved his new metal nameplate, which was now the same style as Bugs's). Since the case that led to the arrests of Rocky, Mugsy, and their own boss, Porky Pig, the two detectives took the company and decided to run it together. Daffy found that his naps were a lot more comfortable now that he was the proud owner Fat Boy's fancy boss chair, and Bugs thought it felt good to be on top (like he always was).

"Hey, Bugs?" Daffy asked.

"What?"

"It's pretty nice to be running the place, huh?"

"Yep."

"And guess what? I finally solved a case all by myself!" The duck exclaimed. Bugs looked at him, surprised.

"Wow! That's great, Daffy! Which case was it?" Daffy reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a certain dusty case file.

"The Ax-Handle Estate Case!"

"Awesome! What happened?" Bugs inquired.

"Well, I got a cab to take me to the right mansion this time and, after an hour of snooping around, I discovered that the strange goings-on out there was nothing more than the poor slob's television set. I recommended a repairman and got ten grand in return! Therefore, the case is solved!" Daffy grabbed a stamp with the word "Solved" and slammed it on the folder with pride.

"And it was even put on the front page, see?" He held up the latest morning paper. Indeed, the front page headline read, "The Ax-Handle Estate Case Finally Solved!" The image below it showed Daffy smiling in front of a beautiful mansion alongside the owner.

"Great work, Daffy! You'll probably get a lot of recognition now!" Bugs responded.

"Yeah! Just imagine how many adoring fan girls will chase after me!" Just then, the office door swung open, revealing Melissa Duck in the same red dress and shoes she always wore. She grabbed the duck and squeezed him tight in a suffocating hug.

"Oh, baby! I've finally found you! It's been so long!" She kissed his face repeatedly, leaving marks of red lipstick. Daffy managed to break free and literally bounced off the walls.

"Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo-hoo!" He ran out and his female admirer chased after him. Bugs shook his head and laughed.

The End

[The screen irised out and the Looney Tunes ending theme started playing. The "That's All, Folks!" script appeared and, behind it, Porky Pig, now clad in a black-and-white jail suit and handcuffs.

"Well, y-you see the sign! Y-Y-You can read it!" He said, annoyed. The screen irised out again on Porky, but not before he smiled and winked.]

* * *

 **Well, like the title credit said, that's all, folks! :) I really hope you had as much fun reading my story as I had writing it! :D Now that this tale is done, I'd appreciate any feedback so I know how you all liked it (no flames, please!). I also plan on writing more Looney Tunes stories in the near future. So long for now!**


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